It's The Flying That Counts
by RikkuPollendina
Summary: Hazel is on her deathbed, but she has to say goodbye to those she loves before she flies away.


I pushed against the tubes restraining me, struggling to breath. My downed lungs refused to partake in that activity, though. Arching my back, I tried to scream but couldn't, seeing as I had no air left to scream with. It was like I was falling and flying and drowning all at the same time, and I can assure you, it was not a very good feeling. My mom was standing stoically, talking to a nurse, glancing over at me all the while. I caught a bit of what the nurse was saying.

"Phlanxifor stopped working... tumors grew... lungs full of water... nothing we can do..." I already know that there was nothing they could do. I was too far gone already.

Isaac and my dad sat at the foot of the bed, both sobbing and leaning against each other for some support. They kept looking up at me, tears streaming down their faces. After a while the nurse left us alone. She was probably letting them say their final goodbyes: I could tell the nurse had left to get the doctor to turn off the Life Support. Mom came to my bedside first, swiping the hair that had fallen in my face away.

"I want you to know," she whispered, "that I will always be your mommy. Dead or alive. I love you baby." She sobbed, reaching around the tubes to hug me.

"I... love... you..." I rasped out, trying to summon my few breaths. What better use would there be?

Dad wandered over from the corner of the bed. Trying to get out words between his sobs.

"I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you. You know that, right? I just wish I had cancer and not you."

"Don't..." I wheezed to my dad. He cried harder at that. I repeated the same drawn-out message I had given mom to him. He covered his mouth, attempting to stick the proverbial finger in the dam. Isaac rose up to take his place.

"I never got to tell you that you were my best friend." I whispered.

"You... just... did." I struggled to say, seeing a small smile escape his lips.

"God dammit Hazel, I just smiled while you're dying. That's not okay." He groaned. "Anyway, I just want to tell you that you've changed my life forever." I gave me one last sad smile and turned away from the bed.

For ten grueling minutes, I watched as the doctors unhooked the various wires and tubes from me, peeling of the tape that help them in place as painlessly as possible. Soon, I was completely unrestrained, staring Death in the face as I felt my oxygen running out, my world starting to go dark. Then I realized something: Death had a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"Hazel Grace." said a voice I never thought I'd hear again.

"Augustus." I whispered. I heard my mother whisper to my father about what I'd just said.

"I'm sorry you're dying." the gorgeous boy said, now with all of his body parts.

"So am I." I sighed, but this time my lips didn't move. I felt a strange sensation, like the feeling of being attached to something by Velcro and peeling off. Suddenly I started rising, floating up to the light Augustus was casting. I flipped over, seeing my body, the heart monitor displaying one long green string, continuing endlessly. My father doubled over, sobbing, Mom and Isaac hugging each other. I was really gone. Finally dead. My battle was over.

The feeling was strange, actually, a lot like falling, and a lot like flying. I remembered a line from a really great TV show: "Falling is just like flying, only there's a more permanent destination." It was thrilling and terrifying and wonderful all at once, and I decided something; life's a lot like falling, but it's the bits where you're flying that count.

"Coming?" he asked, reaching out a hand. "You look lovely, by the way."

I looked down, seeing that I was wearing the dress from Amsterdam. I raised my hands to my face, feeling my no longer swollen cheeks, my long hair. I had been restored to me pre-cancer self. I inhaled, loving the feeling of air completely filling my lungs. Reaching out, I took Augusts' hand. He wrapped me into a hug, and I fell with him, gladly, into the light.


End file.
